fredag den 18. marts 2011

What's on the other side?

Life is beautiful isn’t it? There’s so much to see and so much to learn when you grow up and one day your old, you look back on your life and you know you had a great run. But I must admit I’m scared. I love being 24 and still have many years before I’ll be six feet under but I can’t help but being somewhat afraid of dying. It’s normal… I know it is but I really that I’ve reached an age where I’m suddenly aware of that I’m not immortal and that one day I’m here anymore. As a kid you didn’t think about that. The worst thing you could experience was when someone didn’t invite you to their birthday party or your friend suddenly said “we’re not friends anymore” and now I worry about death. Trust me it’s not a wonderful thing to worry about. But why AM I so worried? I guess it’s because I’m egocentric in some way… the whole thought of the world not having ME anymore is horrid and it scares me restless. And Restless is what I have become after I realized im not going to be here forever.

But I guess it’s the whole thought of that we don’t know what comes after you die…. Is there a heaven and hell? Do we get reincarnated or is it just… black? I guess I’m afraid that I might miss out on a lot of things… one day 24 and suddenly 87 and dying form old age or shit like that… but I can’t help but feel like it’s just around the next corner my old age. I know it’s not like that but I’m afraid I might end up saying “where did my life go?” and I’m afraid what will happen after death… the whole thought of not having my BF, friends and family at my side is horrifying and I often have a hard time sleeping… I get a scared, my stomach hurts and I start to tremble at the thought of that suddenly it’s all… black… there might not be more to it. Like sleeping but never waking up, you know?

But I try not to let me get bothered by it by looking at my BF, friends and family and be happy for that there’s still MANY years (if everything goes as It should) and that when the time comes I’ll be ready to die and not afraid of it… And it also sort of comforts me to think of that I might be reunited with my entire family and BF (If we’re still together when we get old). It’s hard to look on the bright side of dead but it’s normal to get scared by the things we don’t know about. Like ghost, spirits, aliens and such. It is scary to realize your not a god and can live forever and death is a natural part of life, so the only thing I can do is enjoy what I have now and don’t think of what might happened later. Enjoy every day of your life and then take things as they come. I’m sorry for making such a grim post but I felt like I needed to lighten the burden of this problem to others that my BF. I know some of you might have the same feeling of being scared of the unknown but know this. If you live your life in fear you’re not living at all.

Death is natural part of the amazing and wonderful thing that is life. One human die another is born. Maybe sometime in the future we might be able to die when we want to do it, but up and until then live your life to the fullest, it’s first when your old and dying you realize how important it is not to take this gift for granted.

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