torsdag den 24. november 2011

Oh hey everybody!

Okay I guess it's tome for a minor update, just to let you all know what have been happening lately. Okay so I finished my job training yesterday, but they decided they didn't need me at all. it was something with the ability to talk to the others at work, and it was sort of hard to talk to one, who just didn't seem to like me at all. I tried to small talk to her, just to loosen up the tenxion between us, but she just kept replying with short sentences.

I also asked her if we could talk, since I thought both her and I were miss communication with eahc other and I wanted to get it out of the world and prehaps move towards a better co-worker realtionship with her. She just told me to remind her of it, since her memory wasn't that good. Okay I though and mentioned it after a while, so she would remember it. She just told me that she didn't have the time that day... okay, fair ebough, we are usually tired when we get home, and most of us sleep. But time wen't on and I started to really get the hang on things. How to knead the dough, how to measure and so on. So yesterday my boss told me to follow her, we had to talk to my job counselor, who was there to check up on me.

My boss told me that everything had been going well, but they thought, after two weeks, that I would never learn anything, but after three weeks, everything changed. I started catching up on stuff, but I didn't really communicate that good with one of the girls, the girl who had me under her wings, while my boss was off to the pastry school. She told me that THAT was the main reason ty why I couldn't get the "job" but I was indeed a sweet girl, whe was eager to learn and who was really motivated. I was sad to get told that I didn't get the "Job". But the worst part was that I started crying infrom of her and my
job counselor, and I don't know why?
I did get angry, however, when my boss told me (or at least that was how I heard it, so I can be horribly wrong) that the girl, who took are of me when she was away, had tried to AWAOID the conversation with me intentionally! I didn't get the "job" because I didn't really have any good communication with the other girls, and when I try to reach out to the one who didn't seem to like me, she avoided it? No WONDER I couldn't talk to her.

I was allowed to finish my jobtraining a week before time, and my boss told me if I wanted to go home now, after the convercation, or If I wanted to stay the week out. I told her straight out that I wanted to finish what I had started that day, and just gome home to collect myself and talk to my Hubby about this whole ordeal. She was impressed that I said that I wanted to finish what I ahd started, because that was a good
attitude to have in life.
She told me that she would gladely write a nice
recommendation for me to show to ther places I might try out, and that she would try and remember some of the places she knew I would fit in better. I was so happy, my boss has been SO sweet to me and she has really taught me alot. Penny Lane was a good place to be and I would LOVE to have stayed there, but if I can't communicate with the other girl, there is and never will be room for me.

I am not angry with any of this, not at all. I am happy and
relieved and now I am just looking forward to a little down time where I can collect my thoughts and find a new place where I might become a baking student.

I've been looking forward to friday and sautureday. Friday some friends of mine will be visiting us and then one of them will take me out on a small café, to celebrate my birthday, which is on satureday btw. And yes as mentioned befor I will be turning 25 this satureday. wow...25! I don't know it just seems like such a big deal! I can't wait for it.
I won't be having the huge birthday party as I first had planned, can't afford it, but I will be having a small and comfy birthday together with my family and my Hubby :)
And Also it's christmas soon! ZEOMG! I love Christmas!
I have some new decorations I can't wait to put up, and I will be a secret santa for a random lolita from ^^

onsdag den 2. november 2011

When you could just crawl down under a rock.

Hello all.
have you ever had one of those days where it seems like everything you do just goes wrong?
Well I don't have those days, I seem to have those WEEKS!
I've been at Penny Lane for two weeks now (I am currently in the start of my 3rd week) and it just seems that no matter WHAT I do it seems to go wrong in one way or another, and I belive that it's only because I see the negative things I do instead of looking at the good things I create. Sure I put a little too much salt in one bacth of dough, but I made 4 that was perfect and! AND yet I see only the wrong doing!

Yesterday I came home sad, afte a rough day, and when my Hubby came home I started to cry. I was angry with my self and for not being able to remember anything I was told, or I ended up ruining a dough so I had to make a new one, and not only that I felt like the girl who is my menot didn't like me all that much. I fell like that every time I ask somthing that is related to what I'm making ("I was suppose to only make half of this recipe, right?" og "What is your verdict on this dough? Do I need to knead it more") just seems to annoy her.

I only ask when I am in doubt, I am new to all this Job Training and I haven't been baking since December last year. And I am NOT used to being at such a stressfull workplace. When we were baking at school it was very down to earth, sure we had to hurry every now and then, but mostley it was very casual. here I have to make ALOT of doughs and roughly befor 9 in the morning (lately I've been meeting at 6 in the morning) and I just can't, for now, keep up with their pace.
And it seems like my current mentor forgets that I am in fact NEW!
It's barely been three weeks and she can't expect me to just remember everything and so on. I try HARD to please her and show her that I friggin what this! This is my DREAM and yet she just seems to get annoyed with me all the time.

I know I am knew and that I still need to get a hang of their routine, but for christ sake woman, give me a chance here. I was angry, sad and everything because I saw myself as an utter idiot and retard for not being able to do anything right. I am SO scared of screwing everything up that I make mistakes and get really sad when I do a minor mistake such as... adding 30 grams of sugar instead of 15 til a recipe or some stupid little thing like that.
Again I AM new, and I have to remember myself of this very fact as well.
I can expect myself to know their WHOLE routine by heart after just three weeks and I CAN'T expect to do everything perfectly.
I keep forgetting that I need to realise that mistakes WILL be made when I am new and it's only trough my mistakes that I get the hang of it all. But wow is it hard to remember to say this to yourself. I try and I try and I WILL remember it... for now I just have to do the best I can.

After feeling like my mentor doesn't like for a little while now, I decided to write to her, telling her that I wanted to have a small meeting with her where we were to discuss my progress so far, and that I think there might be some miscommunication between her and I, and If that IS the case then I would like to get to the buttom of it all.

Wow that was alot of vile tasting bile there.
Okay Don't get me wrong I love working at Penny Lane, they do EVERYTHING from scratch. They make their own marmelades, their buttercream is REAL buttercream and not just some margerine with sugar and they use real chocolate you have to temperate first. You hardly see any bakeries or patisseries do this anymore. It's time consuming and very expoensive and yes... it is but the taste is... well Out of this world good!
And sometimes I get to to the really great stuff! All the pastry stuff such as piping
meringue onto the lemon meringue pies, filling the berry pies with almond creme or dipping the honey cakes in the chocolate. I know it seems boring to some, but to me this is what I want to make! Cakes, pastries, sweets and desserts. And these last couple of days I brown cakes (danish christmas cookie) and it's been nice just stadnig there for my self, just working in my own pace and still manage to get something done.
I'll have to go to work again at 6 tomorrow and I am a little afraid. I am afraid I will get scolded or somthing liek that because I feel like I made a mistake with one of the doughs, and I am not sure if it's just something I actually did or something I THINK I did... I'll see tomorrow, for now I don't wan't to be scared... I've told my mentor I need to talk and I just hope she'll actually sit down and talk with me.

On a side note.
I am turning 25 in 24 days! UUUH!
Can't wait for it to happen. sure I am one step closer to my grave, but hey! At 25 I can do whatever I wan't! Wmahahaha 8D
I am looking forward to seeing the whole family and to see what they have bought me. I know it sounds douchebag-ish to say that, but normally I don't really fancy the gifts I just like the company and that people thought of me that day. But I am tuning 25 man! In Denmark that is a huge thing, like turning 10-18-20-25-30 and so on. We have a tradition in Denmark taht when you turn 25 you have to be given cinnamon... It means that your friends take you outside, pours water over you and THEN a ass loade of cinnamon... I don't knwo WHY we do it, but it's just a tradition, also like you get a small bag of pepper when you turn 30 :)
I have kindly asked my friends not to do the cinnamon thing agains me, and that I would much rather have a small bag or cinnamon sticks, hahah :)

I can't wait to write an entry next time, hopefully It'll contain a little more "Happy Happy!" rather than "OH BOO HUU!!!!"
Be seeing you my sweets :D