onsdag den 2. november 2011

When you could just crawl down under a rock.

Hello all.
have you ever had one of those days where it seems like everything you do just goes wrong?
Well I don't have those days, I seem to have those WEEKS!
I've been at Penny Lane for two weeks now (I am currently in the start of my 3rd week) and it just seems that no matter WHAT I do it seems to go wrong in one way or another, and I belive that it's only because I see the negative things I do instead of looking at the good things I create. Sure I put a little too much salt in one bacth of dough, but I made 4 that was perfect and! AND yet I see only the wrong doing!

Yesterday I came home sad, afte a rough day, and when my Hubby came home I started to cry. I was angry with my self and for not being able to remember anything I was told, or I ended up ruining a dough so I had to make a new one, and not only that I felt like the girl who is my menot didn't like me all that much. I fell like that every time I ask somthing that is related to what I'm making ("I was suppose to only make half of this recipe, right?" og "What is your verdict on this dough? Do I need to knead it more") just seems to annoy her.

I only ask when I am in doubt, I am new to all this Job Training and I haven't been baking since December last year. And I am NOT used to being at such a stressfull workplace. When we were baking at school it was very down to earth, sure we had to hurry every now and then, but mostley it was very casual. here I have to make ALOT of doughs and roughly befor 9 in the morning (lately I've been meeting at 6 in the morning) and I just can't, for now, keep up with their pace.
And it seems like my current mentor forgets that I am in fact NEW!
It's barely been three weeks and she can't expect me to just remember everything and so on. I try HARD to please her and show her that I friggin what this! This is my DREAM and yet she just seems to get annoyed with me all the time.

I know I am knew and that I still need to get a hang of their routine, but for christ sake woman, give me a chance here. I was angry, sad and everything because I saw myself as an utter idiot and retard for not being able to do anything right. I am SO scared of screwing everything up that I make mistakes and get really sad when I do a minor mistake such as... adding 30 grams of sugar instead of 15 til a recipe or some stupid little thing like that.
Again I AM new, and I have to remember myself of this very fact as well.
I can expect myself to know their WHOLE routine by heart after just three weeks and I CAN'T expect to do everything perfectly.
I keep forgetting that I need to realise that mistakes WILL be made when I am new and it's only trough my mistakes that I get the hang of it all. But wow is it hard to remember to say this to yourself. I try and I try and I WILL remember it... for now I just have to do the best I can.

After feeling like my mentor doesn't like for a little while now, I decided to write to her, telling her that I wanted to have a small meeting with her where we were to discuss my progress so far, and that I think there might be some miscommunication between her and I, and If that IS the case then I would like to get to the buttom of it all.

Wow that was alot of vile tasting bile there.
Okay Don't get me wrong I love working at Penny Lane, they do EVERYTHING from scratch. They make their own marmelades, their buttercream is REAL buttercream and not just some margerine with sugar and they use real chocolate you have to temperate first. You hardly see any bakeries or patisseries do this anymore. It's time consuming and very expoensive and yes... it is but the taste is... well Out of this world good!
And sometimes I get to to the really great stuff! All the pastry stuff such as piping
meringue onto the lemon meringue pies, filling the berry pies with almond creme or dipping the honey cakes in the chocolate. I know it seems boring to some, but to me this is what I want to make! Cakes, pastries, sweets and desserts. And these last couple of days I brown cakes (danish christmas cookie) and it's been nice just stadnig there for my self, just working in my own pace and still manage to get something done.
I'll have to go to work again at 6 tomorrow and I am a little afraid. I am afraid I will get scolded or somthing liek that because I feel like I made a mistake with one of the doughs, and I am not sure if it's just something I actually did or something I THINK I did... I'll see tomorrow, for now I don't wan't to be scared... I've told my mentor I need to talk and I just hope she'll actually sit down and talk with me.

On a side note.
I am turning 25 in 24 days! UUUH!
Can't wait for it to happen. sure I am one step closer to my grave, but hey! At 25 I can do whatever I wan't! Wmahahaha 8D
I am looking forward to seeing the whole family and to see what they have bought me. I know it sounds douchebag-ish to say that, but normally I don't really fancy the gifts I just like the company and that people thought of me that day. But I am tuning 25 man! In Denmark that is a huge thing, like turning 10-18-20-25-30 and so on. We have a tradition in Denmark taht when you turn 25 you have to be given cinnamon... It means that your friends take you outside, pours water over you and THEN a ass loade of cinnamon... I don't knwo WHY we do it, but it's just a tradition, also like you get a small bag of pepper when you turn 30 :)
I have kindly asked my friends not to do the cinnamon thing agains me, and that I would much rather have a small bag or cinnamon sticks, hahah :)

I can't wait to write an entry next time, hopefully It'll contain a little more "Happy Happy!" rather than "OH BOO HUU!!!!"
Be seeing you my sweets :D

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